FIVE HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE VALENTINES

Just a little over two weeks until V-Day. Do you have a plan?

For those of you – well this post is mostly for men – who are at a loss this year as to how to deal with Valentine’s Day, I have some advice for the LOVEWORN (a.k.a., people in long term relationships who need some ideas about how to reignite the spark). It is a misconception widely off the mark that on Valentine’s Day one must spend money on gifts, going out, hiring a babysitter, going to a movie together, etc. I daresay many a woman on the receiving end of such Valentine’s efforts might rather have spent a quiet evening at home in front of the fire, IF the evening were done RIGHT. Thus, my advice this Valentine’s Day is cheap, relatively easy to implement, and also fairly foolproof way to impress your valentine.

1. TREAT HER LIKE A LADY

Important assumption under this point is GIRLS ARE NOT LIKE GUYS. Wives do not want to be like a swell roommate who helps with chores and has sex with you occasionally. It’s important to recognize how your woman is different from your male friends and treat her like the woman she is. She wants to hear your feelings about her, why you love her, and get some appreciation for all the little ways she makes your life easier. Show her how special she is through special considerations like helping her on with her coat, holding her chair, opening the door for her, telling her how nice she looks, and if you are really inspired, buying her a nice gift or taking her out on a date. But just beware, doing the latter two things without some thought on former things takes away some of the bling for women. It really is the thought that counts.

2. DO STUFF FACE-TO-FACE, NOT JUST SIDE BY SIDE.

This is one of my biggest valentine’s beefs. Don’t go out on a date and spend the entire time doing stuff together. This is what guys do – do stuff together. At least once, you need to look into her eyes and tell her you love her. One of the best ways to make your lady’s hormones bubble is if you spend some time talking with her about your relationship and how you feel about her. And, you can’t really build intimacy without ever looking at a person. It may feel weird to guys, but chicks dig it.

3. A TOUCH IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS

Important assumption under this point: touch = non-sexual, but romantic contact. (FYI, touching doesn’t count in a woman’s romance quotient, if it is leading up to making out or having sex.) Some examples of what I mean: running your hand or finger up and down her arm as you are standing near each other, running your finger under her chin as you look at her, holding hands as you walk together somewhere, scratching her back or massaging her neck or feet.

4. REMEMBER THE THRILL OF THE HUNT.

Even in our liberated world, I think it is still commonly accepted that men enjoy the thrill of the chase and women like to be chased. Why should this dynamic end just because we found Mr. or Mrs. Right? Call her out of the blue and say you want to see her for lunch and then have a short make out session in the driveway. Corner her in some room of the house and give her a really great kiss followed by a low growl. Playfulness and a certain wild, untamed quality to your Valentine’s Day will help stoke those dying embers nicely. Which leads me to my next point…

5. IT’S ABOUT THE SEX, STUPID

Need I say more about this? Well, yes, I probably should. Most important: take your time and make it really, really good. ‘Nuff said?

Ladies, anything I missed or got wrong? Let me know. Here's to having a great V-day!

On his blog, Alan Creech has some interesting things to say about the emerging church and its various strains. One post I appreciated was his explanation of the growing interest in liturgical and sacramental practices in the emerging church and the growth of post-protestant communities.

His discussion reminded me of one of the reasons Peter and I left a thriving, growing church plant that was on its way to becoming a mega-church for seminary then church planting. I grew tired -especially in the Bible church arena – of the emphasis on "right theology" without any connection with the historical conversation regarding certain texts. This usually took the form of a theological fad of the moment, or, even more dangerously, of some teacher saying I have sat down and studied this and now I have the authoritative understanding of what this difficult passage says or I know what the new testament church really looked like or whatever. The only problem is there are multiple teachers among evangelicals teaching wildly different versions so who do you believe?

That is what has lead me to be more catholic or post-protestant. A lone Christian sitting down with his or her Bible - the ultra-sola Scriptura approach - often comes up with ERROR, not a true understanding of the Scriptures. That is why God gave us the church and the creeds and history and tradition. St Vincent’s formulation to embrace that which is believed everywhere by all is good to help us stay anchored within the bounds of orthodox Christian belief. We ignore the voices of saints and theologians throughout the ages to our peril.

Now division within the body of Christ makes consensus difficult but at least by being small c catholic we can eliminate most of the pop-theology that parades itself among evangelicals as truth.

With its fascination with things catholic, there is one thing I think emerging church leaders need to grapple with. To some degree, to be catholic is to give up dreams of saying something new about the gospel. Certainly there are new realities in our world today that challenge traditional evangelical structures, and the church must always proclaim anew the gospel of Christ in a way that speaks to the questions people today are asking. Often, though, the quest to be new and innovative overtakes the desire to be true to the gospel – error becomes mixed with genuine critique and reformational impulses, so much that it is difficult to tell truth from error. Christians then are involved in just a series of fads rather than the timeless truths Christianity should be known for. This is what I am afraid the emerging church will devolve into over time without the anchor of history.

It's New Year Resolution Time

One of the biggest new year's resolutions for me is connected with a ministry of our church, St Patricks. I am absolutely resolved that I am going to have a regular time of prayer and journaling each week. So, I have made my decision public by creating a new blog for a women's group I lead called the Order of St Brigid. (My blogger hyperlink function is broken for some reason so you can go to the page by clicking on the link on the right hand side of the page.) This is where I am going to record my journaling for all to see and know whether I am a spiritual slacker or whether I keep to my resolutions.

I warn you I don't have a good track record about keeping resolutions. But shame and public humiliation can be good motivators. So here I go again.

Hopefully some other St Brigidites and casual web surfers will join the conversation and we'll see where things go from here.

Why this resolution? Basically, everything I know and have read about spiritual formation and, of course, it's annoyingly all over the Bible, is that prayer and scripture reading are what's needed to make one like Jesus. Hmm. The scandal is that I am just so busy I don't have time to do the things that make me like Jesus. I don't feel overly guilty about this (unfortunately). I mean, very few other Christians I know incorporate regular prayer and scripture reading into their lives. But I know I need it. It is like exercising - you just never seem to get around to doing it.

I've examined the reasons why I don't have "devotions" for quite a long time as I was not doing them. See, there is no immediate guarantee that I will look anything like Jesus when I get up off my knees. I would take a magic santification pill everyday if there was one. And, there is no instant gratification involved. It is just hard work making yourself do it. With anything that involves a long, slow process of transformation over time, I rarely have the patience for it. Heck, I have trouble waiting 10 seconds for the pictures to load on a web page. In essence, I am going to do this thing every week and only years later will I be able to say, " I think I am a little less angry than I used to be" or "I might be more considerate of others and less prideful than I used to be." Not exactly a glowing recommendation for spiritual disciplines.

But, I have tried everything else to change my habits and basic selfishness. And it is just not working. I am really quite a pleasant and fun person on the outside, but there is plenty of disorder and disgusting attitudes underneath the surface. And they pop out will amazing regularity despite my best efforts. Now, I am just tired of it. I want to deal with the roots of this disease not its symptoms.

So I need spiritual disciplines whether I like it or not. Wish me luck and pray for me. Happy New Year.