Okay, I am having trouble sleeping so what do I do. I blog. Not exactly good for insomnia since I have been up way too long but much better than laying there trying to go to sleep. Hate that.

I have to say it was very gratifying to get several comments on my last blog about sex. It really is amazing how much external validation I need, kind of sad really. I think I embrace the "all the world's a stage" idea a little too readily.

I have been reflecting lately on what it might take in our crazy world to have a holistic understanding of vocation and calling. I am a wife, daughter, and mother. I am a churchplanter-pastor's wife in particular and a member of a church planting team. I am a health policy analyst, I am a boss to my staff, and I am a friend to some wonderful people. And there just doesn't seem to be enough time to give any of these callings the full attention they deserve. My husband would say mimicing Covey that I just need to go from my mission statement to my roles and goals, calendar in my quadrant II responsibilities, and make sure I take time to sharpen the saw. At which point I usually have to restrain myself from finding some sharp object to poke him with. Because it is more than just time management that I am talking about. Let me see if I can explain.

Recently, I participated in an advisory board meeting of some leading experts on health literacy -- some real mover and shaker types. I was there because I work with state officials and the experts want to figure out how to get the attention of state policymakers. (Health literacy involves teaching people about health and the health care system and making health care information easier for lay people to understand. And yes, surprisingly, there are people who sit around all day and dream about and strategize about how to improve the health care system generally and more specifically how to help the average person get the information they need in the doctors office in a form that they can understand.) As I left this meeting, I felt that I had some work to do. More than just this is my job and I have to go do it, but that it is exciting to be a part of changing the world for better. Helping to spark a revolution in how health care professionals communicate to everyday people is important work. People's lives depend on it. There are many heart patients that do not understand how to take their medicine, for instance, and they wind up having another heart attack and dying because of this. Simple communication problems in health care result in huge problems. And these experts and little ol me are trying to fix that.

So, back to vocation/ calling, here is what I am getting at. I feel called to do my work. I like working with state officials and living in the world of public policy and, although I am moderately right of center politically, I believe government can do REAL good in this world and I am glad to be a part of helping it function better. I also feel called to be a vital part of the new St Patrick's Anglican Church and to partner with my husband and others to see this work established God willing. I also know I am called to be a wife and mother and homemaker. And I have friendships with both Christians and non-Christians that I believe are divine appointments. This adds up to a lot of callings to be faithful to, and I often do not feel up to the task. So, this raises the question, has God called me to be a failure at all these levels or am I just completely schizo and am hearing way too many calls on my life? I am overstating things, of course, because I am not a failure in these areas, I just struggle to keep the right balance between all of them and to do them well enough. There just doesn't seem to be enough time in the day to be doing all the good that needs to be done, let alone pay the bills and do the laundry and the dishes.

So, how does one understand and properly orient one's life when there are so many parts to play? I know that all exist under the grace of Christ and his purposes working in and through me. But how? And how much is enough to meet God's call but not too much? Hmm. Lord, teach me to number my days rightly that I may present to you a heart of wisdom.

There is more that I could say on this but I need some sleep. I am praying for God's direction in this daily. Anyone have any words of wisdom? Shout them out. TTFN.

We, that is my husband, had the "talk" with my older son a few weeks ago. He is completely disgusted by the fact that his parents have sex. Not just the three times it took to procreate and produce three children but regularly. He wanted to know if we had some kind of schedule or something. (Man, I wish we did. That's a good idea! Whaddya say Peter? Shall we do some calendering? Don't think this is what Steven Covey had in my when he developed the 7 Habits -- but I do like the idea of being Highly AFFECTIVE People. Get it? Get it? Okay, I'll stop now. ;-)

Anyway, I had actually been bugging Peter for a while to talk to our son about sex. I don't know exactly when the right time to talk about sex is with your kids, but I was fairly sure that we had a slim window before he would be completely screwed up by the views of his peers. I learned about sex when I was about six years old from my older brother who described the activity in all its gorey detail to freak me out. Convinced that he had to be wrong, I went to my mom and asked her. To my dismay, she confirmed, more delicately perhaps, but reinforced the basic facts of what a penis and a vagina were made for. (GASP! I said those words.) Then, she explained and I remember her telling me this, "I know it seems weird to you now -- but it is a natural and good thing for mommies and daddies. You'll understand this someday." And somehow I trusted her. I was young for this conversation, but it was really important for me to hear this from my mom.

You know, for the life of me, I can't figure out why Christians are so uptight and straitlaced about sex. I mean, the Song of Soloman is in the Bible, for heaven's sake! And that ain't no allegory of Christ and the Church. (Whoever thought of that is kinda perverted if you ask me.) Unfortunately, I would characterize most Christian thinking on the subject to be only slightly more enlightened than, "Sex is a dirty thing so save it for the one you love." I come from more of the "God has given us all good things to enjoy" school of thought, and I am sure most of the people who will read this are too. But I still think we hesitate to make sex a more normal conversation topic in church circles, and I think that says something about how we view sex.

I remember a pastor friend of ours talking about how he decided to do a marriage retreat weekend for his church and he thought the couples at the event could use some practical help feeling comfortable about sex and having a good sex life. So he brought a banana with him and he used it as an illustration. Now I know what you are thinking, no, he used it during his descriptions of how females are different anatomically and what parts are important for sexual pleasure. He said you could of heard a pin drop in the room while he was talking about this. His moral of the story from this expereince was that church people just aren't ready for this. You know, its funny -- you can go watch two people having sex on screen in an R rated film in a crowded movie theater, but when it comes down to really talking about sex in a practical way we are just a bunch of chickens -- all of us -- but especially Christians.

There has to be a better balance there somewhere between our desire as Christians to proclaim the Biblical standards of sexuality and standing against the permissiveness of our culture on the one hand and telling the other side of the story - hey, sex is really fun and God made it that way -- we can rejoice and be glad in it. It's not about making sure that people don't get too carried away; its about making sure that people can get all carried away in the best place for it to happen -- the comfort, security and innovative sweetness of the marriage bed. Can I get an Amen here? I think too often, we are so scared that our children might get the wrong idea if we talked about the good side of sex and decide to try it out for themselves. But God made the clitoris to have a special function just as he made the spleen and the brain and all the other organs of our bodies. Sex is a powerful thing and a private thing, too, but it's okay and beneficial actually for our kids and for all of us to have at least a basic understanding of what God made our bodies to do.

Well, speaking of beds, it's late and I need to sign off. I promise to write more about this later, especially if this strikes a cord in anyone else. So goodnight until then. Now, where is my husband...

Does anyone else want to just smack the crap out of whoever figured out that you could annoy the hell out of people by getting those grey text boxes to pop up on the screen when people are on the Internet? As a matter of principle I never read the messages those Internet cyber-terrorists send and just delete them as quckly as possible. And don't any of you order the software they are pedaling because it will only reinforce their rude and obnoxious behavior! Ooops, okay, so you got me...I did read the first couple of messages that popped up but that was it! I figure if we all collectively ignore them maybe they will all go away. It's legalized extortion if you ask me.

Go to my Raging Moderate blog to see my recent political post. It concerns Congress' effort to flush away the future economic security of anyone under the age of 40...

Had a good time this weekend as a family in Gatlinburg visiting our newly engaged friends, Damon and Catherine. While we were there at one point my five year old looked in the frig and said, "Dad, can I have beer?' Just as matter-o-factly as you please. We laughed so hard - I even cried. Beautiful scenery, good time hanging out with friends, good eats. Way too short of a trip but fun nonetheless.

My older son got to pitch for his first game yesterday. He has been practicing soooo hard on this -- badgering us and his friends to play catch with him, getting out a piece of plywood and throwing that ball at it when no one was available. What was really great was to see his hard work pay off. It's not just that he is naturally a good pitcher and everyone recognizes it -- he had to work on it and prove to others he could do it. Now that's a life lesson. I am really proud of him.

At our small group last night we discussed Jesus' prayer in John 17. Sanctify them in the truth. We so want to delineate ourselves because of hobbies, being part of a certain group, having certain traits. Jesus wants us to be identifiable to others and to him because of our pursuit of the truth. Not some narrow sectarian version of the truth but his truth, embodied in his life. Convicted again of how easy it is to coast on what I have already learned and not really know his Word deeply. I think I have reacted against rigidly held interpretations of the Scriptures by just letting go of my own pursuit of what the Bible says. Need to find a better balance. There is an orthodox body of belief down through the ages that guides us in our interpretation of Scripture and guards us against our own error. But I am not relieved therefore of the responsibility to study earnestly the Scriptures and let its truth sink deeply into my soul. I know this but I am mostly just lazy. It's a lot easier to have others do the heavy lifting. But as my mama says, nothing worthwhile in this life is ever easy.