Baby number four just around the corner...

I am about two weeks out from my due date with Matthews baby number four. Name is being kept a secret so that we a) have something to surprise people with and 2) we avoid unsolicited comments on the unusual nature of our new daughter’s name. I have always been surprised how willing people are to offer their thoughts on my selection of a name for my children – both friends and family members. How many times has someone asked me, “What names are you thinking of for the baby?” And, then when I tell them a few of our top candidates, I get an earful about how they sat next to a girl in 2nd grade who smelled bad and so they would never name their child this name. Or, their most hated aunt was named that name and so they don’t like that name. I am always tempted to say, “You know, I don’t have an aunt with that name that I don’t like and your emotional issues are really peripheral to my and my husband’s selection of our baby’s name. Really. Don’t know if that ever occurred to you or not.”

Anyway, this whole having a fourth child has really been a transition for me emotionally. I think the 3 kid, two parents working household and trying to plant a church thing was a lot to have on my plate already. This baby just sort of nudged everything over the edge into pure chaos. That and last spring’s baseball season. (Two boys in baseball is a lot to manage all on its own.) Now that baseball is over, it has been more manageable. But still, the baby isn’t even here yet and I am stressed out, what is it going to be like when I am actually even more sleep deprived?

[BTW, my oldest son came home with a flyer the other day about Fall Ball season and my husband and I just shuddered. NO WAY! We have a new baby coming any day. Can’t even think about that!]

Then, in the last few weeks at work, we received several new projects, one a big multi-year federal grant. And suddenly I see my maternity leave slipping away and a very busy and hectic work schedule ahead for the next year…

The biggest difficulty surprisingly is not about whether I should find another job but what to do about benefits. I like what I do, but would leave it in a heartbeat if I found something more accommodating to my family needs. Even though the church just starting out, we could survive on Peter’s salary and about half of what I make now. But we couldn’t really afford health insurance or retirement. Now we are really comfortable financially but stressed out. Damn the 40 hour work week! Why can’t I just work 20-30 hours instead and still get benefits? I am willing to pay more for them. It’s just there are so few part time jobs that offer them. It’s such a bummer.

So, in the meantime, I am just trying to manage one day at a time. Get done what needs to get done and try not to sweat the rest. Including the laundry that is not done, the piles of papers that need to be sorted, the bank slips and statement that need to be reconciled, the people I should call or email, the blogging I should do, the Bible I haven’t read for a while. I pray a lot that God will give me wisdom to know how to order my days rightly, but without the Bible reading going on I know this is much harder.

No resolution here or words of wisdom and insight. Just muddling through as best I can, trying to do God’s will and not mess things up too badly. That’s my testimony for today.