REFLECTIONS ON THE LEAST OF THESE

Another big change occurred in the Matthews'family about a month ago. My mother-in-law came to live with us. She is in her 80's and in the last year arthritis has affected her legs so much that she now has to use a wheelchair to get around. She was formerly living with my brother in law in Nashville, but the whole family became concerned that one person could really not take care of her alone. So, my brother in law is planning eventually to move to Lexington, but because Peter works largely from home, his mom has come to live with us at least for a few months until things are settled.

Unfortunately in the United States, the occasion of having an older family member come live with you is viewed nearly universally as, at best, an occasion to express regret and at worse outright dread. Now it IS sad that Peter's mom can no longer live without having someone to help her, and fortunately she is taking this frustrating situation with real grace. But that's usually not what people my age are expressing when they say, as if someone died, "Oh no, your mother-in-law has come to live with you? I'm sorry." Or, "Uh, how's that going for you?" with an expression of pity on their face as they say it.

I think it is a sign of how messed up the American family has become that this happens to me so often. (People do it to me as well when they find out I have four kids. So I think these things are linked.) Can I just say so that everyone knows it -I SHOULD BE ENVIED THAT ONE OF OUR PARENTS HAS COME TO LIVE WITH US NOT PITIED!!!

First, the world over and throughout all time there has been a social contract between parents and children. The idea is, I raise my kids, sacrificing my own needs often times and in return when I am older my children will contribute to taking care of me. Often at least one child has the responsibility to have the parent live at home, but the others should also share financially and with their time in taking care of me. This is the way things worked for centuries until about sixty years ago in the United States. When we diverge that much from the experience of human history is it a good thing?

Second, Bible and the Church throughout time have affirmed that older persons, especially widows like my mother in law, fall into a special category of the “least of these.” As you do unto the least of these, so you have done it unto me, Christ taught. And Christ said also, your Father who sees in secret will reward in secret. In this spiritual arithmetic, giving up what I would normally do in order to serve my mother in law means that I have the privilege of serving Christ and receiving the unseen but invaluable spiritual treasure only God can give.

Now, that doesn’t mean it is not hard sometimes. Occasionally it is, especially when all four kids AND mom need something. But it is a good kind of hard. It is the kind of hard that at the end of the day leaves you with the sense that you did something right for once in your life. That this is what honoring your father and mother means in a tangible way. And this is the crucible in which God wants to change the straw of my selfishness into the gold of true love.

So, envy me -- I have the privilege everyday of ministering in a directly to Christ, and I am the richer for it.