THE GODFATHER SCHOOL OF PARENTING

One thing I have noticed as student of political science AND a mother of four is that law and order, the foundation of all civilized societies, is also fundamental to a big household. With two kids you can be rather lenient about adherence to the rules; with four kids, letting little things go means you quickly devolve into chaos. They outnumber you, too, so any sign of weakness by the parental units is soon exploited to the destruction of all that is valuable (furniture, windows, books, etc). Because there are so many of them, any devolution into chaos has exponential effects.

My desire, of course, is to be a benevolent ruler over an ordered society of mutually caring and considerate people among whom reason, justice and love are the highest values. However, I find myself rather more often being a subscriber to the Godfather School of Parenting. That is, make them an offer they can’t refuse.

So, with my three year old daughter, this becomes, you either pick up all this stuff you just spread all over the floor or you are going to stand in the corner. (Much more effective method than a regular time out I have found.) You have a choice. Now what would you like to do?

With my older sons, it frequently is, I have asked you to do this thing, and you have ignored me. Now you have a choice. Either you do immediately what I have asked you to do, or I will take away any privileges that you ever held dear to yourself and further I will impose more chores on you. What would you like to do?

I have found this to be a highly motivational tool to get what I need done.

Now, I wish I didn’t have to be like Don Corleone at all. To paraphrase the movie line –“I don’t like violence - I am a businessman” – I don’t like coercion, I am a mommy. I didn’t go into this line of work in order to have people to boss around. Well, okay, but that wasn’t entirely the reason.

In this case, what James Madison said in Federalist Paper #51 about government applies to children as well: "If men were angels, no government would be necessary. If angels were to govern men, neither external nor internal controls on government would be necessary."